


Christmas    Wishes

by Luthwyn



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Persons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luthwyn/pseuds/Luthwyn
Summary: Spending Christmas alone is something Dan thought he would never have to do but now that it is it gives him some time to reflect.





	Christmas    Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> A/N I wrote this because one of my friends told me too, I'm sorry

The apartment was empty and Dan was sat on the couch, headphones on. It was Christmas Eve, a time when usually he would either be cuddled up to Phil on the sofa or at home with his family. He didn’t think he could face his family at the moment and being with Phil, well that wasn’t an option anymore. He curled into himself, pulling his sleeves over his hands and pulling them into his chest. The Christmas tree lay in its box, unopened and hidden away. Decorations were left unhung, cards unopened and Christmas music unplayed. Phil’s painful to the ears rendition of Mariah Carey was left unsung and phone unanswered.

  
His family was worried about him, Phil’s family was worried about him. Their, his fans were worried but he hadn’t told them yet. He’d posted on Phil’s Twitter feed a few times, made it seem as though he was ok because maybe if they thought he was fine then the reality wouldn’t set in. He hadn’t posted in months, his Twitter feed and Tumblr were full of lies that he and Phil were simply taking a break and that they were perfectly fine when the truth was so different. There would be no more videos, no more meetups, no more tours because Dan and Phil had become just Dan.

  
_“I’m just popping to the shops, need anything?”_

  
_Dan had shook his head, kissing Phil on the cheek as bent down to tie his shoe laces._

  
_“No I’m alright, see you later, be careful.”_

  
_Phil had smiled and checked his pockets for his wallet, sighing in relief when he found it,_

  
_“Thank god, I almost though I’d lost it.” He said giggling. Dan had rolled his eyes fondly at his boyfriend,_

  
_“Always loosing things you, now get going, it will be dark soon.”_

  
_“Yes mum.” Phil had responded sarcastically and Dan had waved him out the door._

  
He wished he'd said goodbye, told Phil that he loved him because now he would never be able to say that. He would never be able to hold Phil, his Phil and tell him just how much he means to him. He would never be able to say goodbye or hello. They would never get their dream home together, never adopt their dog or their kids. Fans whole future had been ripped away from him the moment Phil went through that door because he never came back.

  
If he had died Dan thought he could have dealt with it. It would have taken a long time and an awful lot of grief but maybe, just maybe he could have moved on. It would never have been the same, Phil was always the one he saw himself growing old with, even if he didn’t like to think of the future. It was the fact that no-one knew what had happened that broke him. The cycle would never be complete and he could never accept what had happened, because he didn’t know what to accept.

  
_Dan picked up his phone and pressed dial one more time. If ring a few time before going straight to answer phone for what seemed like the hundredth time this evening. It was dark outside and the street lamps orange glow reflected off the damp pavement. Phil had been gone for hours and Dan was in full on panic mode. He had called everyone he knew but none of them knew where Phil was. He had been angry at first but now all he wanted was to have his Phil back safely. He turned a corner on the street and set off again on his search._

  
_Suddenly something crunched underfoot. It was dark but the moment he picked his foot up of the ground he knew what it was. He bent down and with shaky hands pulled Phil’s phone off the floor. It was smashed up completely and wet from the puddle, he held it up to his chest and let tears fall from his face._

  
They say that is someone close to you dies you can feel it. Dan didn’t know what he felt like, only that he knew Phil wasn’t coming back. The police had found nothing and after a few weeks had abandoned the case, leaving his status as presumed dead. They couldn’t have a funeral, there was no body to bury so it still didn’t feel as though he was gone, there was no closure. Sometimes Dan would wake up and truly, truly believe it had all been a bad dream. Then he would reach over for Phil only to find his bed cold and empty. He would subconsciously make too cups of coffee in the morning, only to find there was nobody to drink it.

  
It had been three months now. The apartment was a mess but Dan couldn’t bring himself to clean it. The cupboard doors were left open, just like Phil used to leave them and his contact lens pot was still balanced on the tap. His glasses were cast haphazardly onto the bedside table and his clothes were strewn about the floor from where he had thrown them. His computer was still open on the program he had left it on, half way through editing his latest video. Dan had thought of finishing it and then posting it but it seemed wrong because Phil wouldn’t have been the one to edit it.

  
Dan held Phil’s present in his hand, something he’d bought a long time ago. He had never plucked up the courage to give it to him before, but he wished he had. He’d picked it out especially. It was silver, with a small swirling design on it. Pretty but not overly ornate, something that suited Phil perfectly. He squeezed his hand around the band and let out a sob because Phil would never get to wear it and because maybe, just maybe if he wished hard enough he would see his sun again and they could be together. He opened his eyes but saw no blue ones looking back at him and the house was still cold and empty because Phil was never coming back, but Dan could never accept that, and that was what made it worse of all.


End file.
